Onion Jane's: I'm so satired!

Here's a play I'm writing about a woman who works at a restaurant called Onion Jane's Obscure Simple Fare Pita's:

Cast of characters:
Girl works at Onion Jane's. When she is not covered in pita flour she cleans up real nice. She enjoys making pitas and does not appreciate being harassed by strangers and does not make any qualms about letting people know when she's been wronged. In fact she delights in using her internet prowess to share and connect with other wronged individuals with similar plights.

Mr. Big Shot lives in a completely alternate reality, which makes it impossible for him to treat minimum wage earners with dignity and respect. He also walks around like he "owns the place" and talks really loud. He tends to think he is some mafioso who uses thuggish intimidation tactics to conduct his business. Mr. Big Shot likes to throw his weight around. He doesn't know how to form successful partnerships between him and his colleagues. His inability to nurture and promote strong and healthy, as well as lucrative growth in his professional endeavors leaves him feeling compelled to belittle others and strong arm them. Poor guy is really the inverse of Willy Loman only exactly as pathetic.

Girl is on stage making pita inside of Onion Jane's when the phone rings.

Girl (answers ringing phone): Thank you for choosing Onion Jane's in Sturgeon Stream will this be for put down or apology?

Mr. Big Shot (offstage): Uh... well, I'm not sure. I have this coupon that came with my hair club for men subscription.

Girl: Sir, will this be for put down or apology?

Mr. Big Shot: Well, uh how much for an apology? Actually do you have a special?

Girl: With any extra large put down you can offer your apology at no extra charge.

Mr. Big Shot: geeze I don't even like apology. but I think my wife does...

So this is all I have so far! -- Ste. Goldie
PS
Did I tell you about my friend Jim's stinky Garlic breath? It's been made Famous. Gourmet burps are disgusting! uhm... PIZZA!

News Flash: Don't self sabotage!!!

This is a one act play about a 30 year old woman who works at a Onion Janes Obscure Simple Fare Pitas. Her name is Moldie.

Moldie: Oops. (her hand slips while cutting a pizza and slices the chest of the guy from corporate)

Corporate Guy: Actually I get cut into 8 peices CUZ I'M A LARGE!!!!!

Moldie: (wiping pizza cutter on a dirty bar towel) Well no body told me.

Corporate Guy drops to the ground and the gel in his hair catches fire from being to close to the pizza oven.

THE ENDZ

Tonight on The Tom Green Show: Andy Dick

I finally remembered to check out the Tom Green Show that is streamed live on the internet.

If you have skype you can skype him!

Don't Hate. Appreciate. (Real Talk)

Talkin' Tabooni? -- The "art" and "science" of talking about things that freak people out

Here's a one act you can read. (Plays are a great way of saying "I'm not saying, I'm just saying"

SCENE: Inside sparsely decorated corner apartment overlooking a beautiful Fall to Winter park.

BLONDIE A mean spirited, deeply enraged, slightly dyslexic 30 year old woman is sitting on the couch in front of her computer. She is talking on the phone: What's that you say? Sperm made contact with your egg and so the miracle of life is happening inside your uterus?

OFF STAGE You can hear the woman on the other line talking to Blondie

RETINA an elegant, dignified and grossly attractive lady with an appetite for deep religious thinking and exquisite taste in men:
Can you believe it? Isn't this great?

Blondie:
Gimme a break.

RETINA:
OH my god! Oh my god! Oh my god. Who do you think you are? You are a monster! I am giving birth! In 9 months I will be holding a baby! I didn't want to tell you! I'm pregnant and really confused! I hate you!

BLONDIE:
Wow. I'm sorry. You told me because you wanted me to be happy for you? How weird.

RETINA:
I am not seeking your approval! This is a big deal for me and I wanted to share it with you.

BLONDIE:
Really?

THE END

There really is no nice way to tell someone you are not impressed with their euphoric expression of fulfillment.

So don't say anything? Ever? Only behind people's backs (oh and those paranoids really hate it when you do that, know why? because that means they wouldn't be paranoid. They'd be clairvoyants.)

Just don't say anything at all. Because(and I quote from someone who really knows what they are talking about - not.)"what makes someone a friend is their respect for you as a human being and an individual.". SO by not saying anything I am respecting their right to do whatever they want. But if I don't also celebrate the news am I also not respecting my friend?

Non-breeders have rights. Do they have the right to remain silent?

I don't think so...

Breeders have the entire greeting card industry, the catholic church and the tax system behind them. Do they really need a Non-breeder's support?

Holy crap.

Maybe one reason pregnant women freak out if they aren't met with the warmest wishes of joy and happiness is because of a thing called cellular memory. Something in their DNA is telling them "WAIT!, Don't rush into this! It's really, really, really, really important for you to have a large quantity of support on this matter of creating a new human!".

Does anyone want to help clarify this issue for me?

Just to make things a little bit more confusing:

Albumn cover art?